A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.
At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself, “Wouldn’t it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?” He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place.
They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around.
It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.
At seven o’clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, “Oh no, my wife’s dinner party!”
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.
He looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!”
The day of the final-It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry...
Before Trouble Starts-A guy goes into a bar and says, Quick, a pint of beer before the trouble starts.
The barman looks...
Investigation-INTERVIEW FOR PRIVATE DETECTIVE
1ST INTERVIEWEE - INDIAN
The Interviewer : Who killed jesus Chirst
Indian : (after thinking for...
Quick Thinking!- A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy....
What Were You Thinking?- A woman married 35 years asked her husband on their anniversary, "What were you thinking the very first time...
Doctor, Doctor!!!- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm...
Half of a head of lettuce-The first day that a young boy went to work in the produce department at a local grocery store he...
… Heavy Thinker-like Drinker- The Heavy Thinker
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up....
Quick question-Why are pirates so mean?
They just Arrrrrrrgh!...
Ponderings collection 24-If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Don`t think that you`re thinking. If you think that you're thinking you...
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.”
“Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”
Lawyer One Liners 2-Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It...
1,000 lawyers…- What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start!
...
Replacing lab rats with lawyers-The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats...
Question and answer jokes-Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call...
Short Lawyer Jokes IV- It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
A man...
500 Lawyers In The Ocean-What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start. ...
Do You Serve Lawyers?-A man walked into a bar, leading an alligator by a leash. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers...
Short Lawyer Jokes V- Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes...
Lightbulb joke collection 33-Q: What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: How...
Ticket Please- Three lawyers and three engineers were traveling by train to the same meeting. At the station, the lawyers each...
A Microsoft support man goes to a firing range. He shoots 10 bullets at the target 50m away.
Then the supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit, and they shout to him that he missed completely.
So he tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer.
Then he put his finger at the top of the gun and shoots, blasting off his finger.
When he saw it he shouted back, “I don’t know, it’s working perfectly here, the problem must be yours…”
MICROSOFT INSTALLING LIGHT BULBS-~~~ Let there be Light, (MicroSoft Style!) - Part II ~~~
Q: How many MicroSoft tech support people does...
Customer support logs-Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:
Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well,...
Restaurants Like Microsoft- If restaurants functioned like shrink-wrapped (Microsoft) software:
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter....
Microsoft tech drafted-One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle...
Microsoft tech drafted-One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle...
Microsofties- Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
10. 1 to release a beta version 1...
If Microsoft built cars-Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:
1. A Particular model year of car wouldn't be available...
If Microsoft built cars-Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:1. A Particular model year of car wouldn't be available...
Lightbulb joke collection 84-Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light...
Letter To Ann Landers- Dearn Ann:
I am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S....
« Previous Entries