41 Rules Men Wish Women Knew
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
3 . Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
18. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how
pretty you are?
33. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.
Business one-liners 93-There is one big difference between genius and stupidity; genius has limits.
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Bill Clinton’s Song- Bill's Song
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If you are well, there...
Difficult to say…-Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
Things That Are Very Difficult to...
Becks-Posh and Becks were shopping one day when suddenly he sees something in the window that catches his eye, a...
Business one-liners 08-All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.
All inanimate objects can move just enough...
Ten Things-Ten Things men know about women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. THEY GOT BOOBS!!!!!...
Answering machine message 248-(Chekov's voice:) Oh Keptin! It was Khan! He made us do things... Say things we did not vant to say......
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law, But Aren’t-Subject:Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law, But Aren't
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1999 12:20:48 EDT
From: ImReals1@aol.com
TOP TEN THINGS THAT...
Things That Are Difficult to Say When Drunk:-Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
Things That Are Very Difficult to Say When Drunk:
Specificity
Anti-constitutionalistically
Passive-aggressive disorder
Transubstantiate
Things That Are...
Q: Does Santa really work all year round making toys?
A: Get real! Check the box in which the Christmas gift came! Does it say “Made on the North Pole”? (”Made in China”, more likely)
Learning to Pick Up Toys- Dad: Look at this room. It's a mess. When will our kids start picking up toys?
Mom: When they have...
Recalled Chrstimas toys-Recalled Christmas Toys
Broken Bag-O-Glass
Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
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Timothy McVays home...
Business one-liners 59-Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Has anyone...
Useful work phrases-USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:
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I'm not being rude....
Toys-One guy walks into a bar laughing. The bartender says what are u laughing about? The man said I played...
spooky-micheal jackson was having a halloween party so why did he get his toys out.
for all the little kidies....
little fun-Micheal Jaskon use to play with little toys, now he fucks little boys Then he thought why not my son...
Housewife- One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying...
Santa and the Blonde!- One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde....
Dad: Look at this room. It’s a mess. When will our kids start picking up toys?- The years of peak mental activity are surely between age four and 18.
At four, we know all the...
A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some.
“How hard is it?” she asks.
“About as hard as my dick,” he replies.
“OK, then pour me some!”
dirty convo-three dicks walk into a bar the first dick says man my life is the bomb the second dick says...
Leprechaun in the Bathroom-This guy is sitting at a bar having a few wobbly-pops and suddenly gets this feeling that he has to...
Mind over matter!- A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska.
The first...
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A. a duff !!!!!! in the bed room as...
cheesey dick-why does micheal jakson put cheese on his dick
because kids will do anything 4 dairylea...
dick cheney-why did kerry want to get his nipples peirced?
because he heard bush had a dick cheney
...
A Fucking Drunk Farmer-So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife’s tits and says, "If these could give milk, we...
Fairy God Father-A man walks into a bar and sits down. After 20 something odd drinks he gets visited by his fairy...
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The celery was like "Man, I got it bad, they chop...
Penis and the Windsheild- A couple are driving along the freeway and the husband, who is driving, is complaining about everything ... the...