GOVERNMENT
Now that it’s ‘88, it’s time for some political nonsense (redundant?)
A LESSON IN POLITICAL SCIENCE
SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone
else.
COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you the
milk.
FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the
milk.
NAZISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one and
pours the milk down the drain.
CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
ANARCHY - steal neighbour’s bull, shoot the government.
ADAM’S RIB EXPLAINED
God and Eve
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
“So, how is everything going?” inquired God.
“It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied, “the sunrises and sunsets
are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful,
but I have just this one problem. It is these three breasts that you
have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am
constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches,
snagging them on bushes, they are a real pain.” reported Eve.
“That is a fair point,” replied God, “but it was my first shot at this,
you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you
needed half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up
right away.
And God reaches down, removes the middle breast and tosses it
into the bushes.
Three weeks passed, and God once again visits Eve in the garden.
“Well Eve, how is my favorite creation?”
“Just fantastic,” she replied, “but for one oversight on your part.
You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the
cow has her bull, all the animals have a mate except me. I feel so
alone.”
God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right,
how could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will
immediately create a man from a part of you. Now lets see…
where did I put that useless boob?”
Makes more sense than that business about the rib…
MICROSOFT INSTALLING LIGHT BULBS
~~~ Let there be Light, (MicroSoft Style!) - Part II ~~~
Q: How many MicroSoft tech support people does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: Four.
- One to ask “What is the registration number of the light
bulb?”
- one to ask “Have you tried rebooting it?”
- another to ask “Have you tried reinstalling it?”
- and the last one to say “It must be your hardware because
the light bulb in our office works fine…”
Q: How many MicroSoft technicians does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb
into a faucet.
Q: How many MicroSoft vice presidents does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that
MicroSoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere
in the world.
Q: How many MicroSoft testers does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: We just determine that the room is dark; we don’t actually
change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file
from a previous test, rest assured that Development is
working on a bug fix.
Q: How many MicroSoft shipping department personnel does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days. If you call
before 2 PM, and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb
changed overnight. Don’t forget to put your name in the
upper right hand corner of the light bulb box.
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But they’ll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy
as it would be for a Mac user.
Q: How many MicroSoft managers does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light
bulbs burn out, and to determine what, exactly, we as
supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not
harder.
Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new
industry standard.
A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around
him.
Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore
made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.