A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
Excess billing hours-A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him...
Lawyers- A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his...
Lawyer at the Pearly Gates-A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't...
LA to New York-An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, "We have...
I want to lose some weight-A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
John: How can I lose twelve pounds...
Blondes = Shit-*****************************************************
A blonde and her daddy were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into...
A QUESTION OF BILLING-
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around...
Two guys standing at the urinal- Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed
glanced over and noticed that Ted's...
Learning a lesson-A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors,...
24 Hours to Live.- After dozens of very expensive tests and weeks of hospitalization, the rich old man was told he had only...
Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Humor about Age-OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip
OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type
OLD PROGRAMMERS never...
Denver Fan-A Denver fan and an Cowboys fan were riding in a car one day, the Denver fan was driving. They...
The programmer’s cheer-Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
...
Lightbulb joke collection 73-Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It's hard to say. Each time we separate...
Business one-liners 31-Real programmers don't grumble about the disadvantages of Fortran when they don't know any other language.
Real programmers don't notch their...
Lightbulb joke collection 74-Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole...
Software programmers-How many software programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll document it in the manual."...
Lightbulb joke collection 66-Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "We'll document it in the manual."
Q: How...
Lightbulb joke collection 68-Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: This can not be computed. Changing light...
Lightbulb joke collection 104-Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While...
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink–he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely–but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries “Man! How many bars do you work at?”
Still Needs A Title-A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. After he finished the beer, he sits the...
A drunk orders himself a beer-A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar,...
Free drinks for everyone-One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including...
Free drinks for everyone-One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including...
String Theory-A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer.
The bartender says,
"I'm sorry, but we don't...
String Theory-A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but...
String Theory-A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but...
Knock, knock?- A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. After drinking it, he hops off the bar stool,...
Violent Bartender-A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you,...
This tells me that I must be drunk-A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another...
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