A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.”
The bartender does just as the drunk requested and hands the man a bill for $57.00.
The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.”
The bartender gets angry and throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.”
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can’t possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.
The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.”
The bartender can’t believe it. He gets furious, picks the guy up and hurls him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill.
In disgust, the bartender says, “What, no drink for me this time?”
The drunk replies, “You! No way! You get too violent when you drink!”
The Crazies- A man is walking along the road, when he hears someone shouting "Twelve! Twelve!" over a fence.
As he walks...
There is a blond on the plane-A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and...
Penuts! Popcorn!- President Ronald Regan told this joke about Fidel Castro:
Castro was addressing a large audience in Cuba, and he began,...
Loose Parrot-A parrot escapes from a pet shop. He flys around the town and comes across a man selling Bologna. The...
pillow talk-how do get get a man in your bed shouting your name and gasping for breath ?.................hold a pillow over...
Banging pussy-There were two prostitutes , one was very beautiful and the other was ugly. The beautiful prostitute used to make...
Let me through!- A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered.
A newspaper reporter anxious...
Clever news reporter-A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious...
Her First Deer-As part of their "ranch" holiday, a guy takes his wife hunting. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy...
Pray For Gifts-Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt...
Q.What do you get when you cross a piccolo and a clarinet?
A. an earache
here are a few good ones-How does a trumpet player change a lightbulb?
He stands with his hand in the air and the world revolves...
what do u call a band of condums?????? a rubber band
you might be a band geek if…-you get a detention because it means more time with your instrument and your director,
you've been hit on a...
Flying Rubber-Why did the rubber fly across the room?
It got pissed off....
You know you’re a band nerd when…-You know you're a band nerd when your band teacher calls you a geek....
more you might be a band geek if jokes-you've lost your shoe during a marching band show(Kate S. twice)
you taped the band geeks episode of spongebob(Kate W....
A staged wedding to bust dealers-As supposedly reported on CNN:
Undercover police, staging the wedding of "a drug kingpin's daughter", let it be known on the...
Breakfast, Lunch, & Supper!- After each question, your say: "Rubber Jugs and Liquor".
Q: What did you have for breakfast?
A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor!
Q:...
you know you’re a band nerd….-...when you begin to suspect that your plume is alive
...when you see your section more than your own family...
even more you might be a band geek if…-you dream of ruling the world so you can make everyone play a musical instrument
you can fit in a...
band camp-like this one time at band camp i was playing the tuba and like o my god i
had no...
New Band Aid Song-
Has anyone heard about the new song of for tsunami victims. It's kinda like the Band Aid Song released for...