Jack goes to the doctor and says “Doc I’m having trouble getting my
penis erect, can you help me?”
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well the
problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis
are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you except if
you’re willing to try an experimental treatment.”
Jack asks sadly, “What is this treatment?” “Well,” the doctor
explains, “what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a
baby elephant and implant them in your penis.”
Jack thinks about it silently then says, “Well the thought of going
through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for
it.”
A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to
use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his
girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the
city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs
that continued to the point of being uncomfortable.
To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately
sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a
dinner roll and then returned to his pants.
His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile,
“That was incredible! Can you do that again?”
Jack replied, “Well, I guess so, but I’m not sure I can fit another
dinner roll up my ass!”
Surgery-A man gets in a car accident and his penis is completely ripped off, and they can't find it anywhere...
You And The Elephants Bond-You're so fat that when you go to the zoo, the elephants throw you peanuts. ...
Locked in the trunk-The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird,...
Blonde - Transplant-How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
Blow in her ear. ...
Get a heart transplant-A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said,...
Get a heart transplant-A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said,...
Mating Elephants-Getting Things Done Around Here Is Like Mating Elephants!
1. It's Done At A High Level.
2. It's Accomplished With A Great...
Answering machine message 207-Hello, this is your local zoo. Do you like animals? We are experiencing severe problems with hot water. Would you...
Tarzania-What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?"Look, a herd of elephants in the...
Elephants, Beavers And The Jungle-Why is it dangerous to go in the jungle after 5 p.m?
Because elephants jump out of trees after 5...
Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
“What happened to you feet?” his wife asked.
“I had a childhood disease called tolio.”
“Don’t you mean polio?”
“No, tolio, it only affects the toes.”
He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.
“What happened to your knees?” she asked.
“Well, I also had kneesles.”
“Don’t you mean measles?”
“No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.”
When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said…
“Don’t tell me, you also had smallcox!”
First Man?- The newlyweds were on their honeymoon when the groom asked, "Honey, you can tell me. Am I the first...
Famous Quotes- Ah, yes divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams
Women...
Offended- Three honeymoon couples find themselves in adjacent rooms in a hotel.
As they are getting undressed, the first man says...
the downside…-2 newlyweds are fooling around one night when the woman moves a bit too quickly and almost breaks the man's...
Newly Wed Couple-A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They...
The Honeymoon.- A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had...
The Honeymoon-A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains.
They had registered...
The perfect woman- A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table....
THE PRISONER-The newlyweds arrive at the hotel and the girl tells her husband, "Honey, I know nothing of this, can you...
I know you were drunk yesterday-A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three...
Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, “Darling, I`ve got a big surprise for you,” at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.
The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. “Now don`t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise,” said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump.
“Hmmmmm,” she said softly, “that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!”
Wooden Airfield- An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has
been told and retold ever since by...
Murphy’s Laws (5)- Never slap a man who chews tobacco.
There are many many more asses in the world than donkeys.
Wooden legs are...
The Bald Man-A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know what to...
Arkansas Pig Farmer-A man was walking in the country when he saw a pig with a wooden leg sitting outside a barn....
Naslund Sr.-Markus Naslunds father, who is bald and has a wooden leg, gets invited to a halloween party. He doesn't know...
THE NEW YORK TAXI DRIVER-Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go...
Canibal Family-Two cannibals in the jungle are standing over a fire with a large boiling pot, stirring the soup with wooden...
Who was drinking more?-The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird,...
THE UNLUCKY PIRATE-A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened,...
Bar Joke (i didnt write it)-A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened,...
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