“Hi. This is John. If you’re the phone company, I already sent the money. If you’re my parents, please send money. If you’re my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you’re my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.”
“Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I’m stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.”
“Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.”
“You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.”
Answering machine message 03-You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all...
Answering machine message 195-Hello, please send me email instead. I always never playback these stupid answering machine messages. Besides, I am probably online...
Answering machine message 143-Hi, this is the answering machine. I am on strike. Any messages you leave will be deleted.
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Answering machine message 221-Hello. Here are my answers to last week's messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Maybe. At seven. You'll get...
Answering machine message 17-I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place....
Answering machine message 224-(Annoying radio announcer's voice:) Congratulations! You have reached 555-1234, perhaps one of the most obnoxious answering machine messages in the...
Answering machine message 243-(Star Trek theme in the background:)
(Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier.
(Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering...
Answering machine message 80-Hi, dudes, this is 229-3053, the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles' secret underground hideaway. I'm afraid we're all out just now...
Answering machine message 200-(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...)...
Answering machine message 148-Hi. This is David. I've shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I...